Illusions

Knocking on forbidden doors...

2005-09-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

What do u do when throughout your life you've kept all your emotions/fears/insecurities in check.....buried into the depths of your heart. And then out of nowhere enters a being who gently knocks...on the forbidden doors of your heart...gentle, cajoling, compassionate....its a probing that you are not accustomed to. A very foreign feeling is ignited; gently rocking your small but secure world...
A feeling of security takes over...it isnt so lonely being out there anymore....all the unsaid words of comfort, the vibes emnating from the other person make you stop and rethink your beliefs about life....that opening might not be such a bad idea after all....all it takes is a little amount of trust to just open that long forgotten and forbidden door to let the person in...and then let things take their course.....

Too out there.....

2005-08-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

The question has now deluded me and throws light on my inadequecies more frequently than normal.......but wat of it?! If you are graciously bestowed by something then Nature must have a very good reason to do so.....

I have often wondered....have i been too out there for people.....an this includees not just my loved ones but acquantances as well.....but coming back to the question at hand, its something that one might end up doing, without even realizing where to stop.....an from there on you start being taken for granted......i mean literally.....
A wise man once said that we let people do what they want to us....hats off to u sir....becuase that is exactly how things are shaping up......i mean yes, theres nothing that can beat the exuberant feeling of making others happy...but then again, where do you draw the line between making others happy and totally ignoring/being numb to your own feelings??!

Though sometimes given the situations at hand, one cannot be expressive and has to go with the flow.....but if you dont speak up, arent u piling up things that are bound to tumble down sooner or later.....and the results might not be too pleasant.....please feel free to comment if you feel otherwise......

Being out there for people is one thing.....but whats more important is to be out there for your loved ones....and if you can manage that....well nothing quite like the feeling mate.......

A woeful tale.......

2005-07-30T10:40:00.000-07:00

" I have a score to settle with you two!" exclaimed Love exasperatedly to the two culprits and made a fist.
"Why? what have we done??" they unanimously spoke up......
"Since the beginning of time, you both have been messing around with my affairs.." Love starts to complain.....
"Every time i was born...you w ere there to ruin things for me.....everytime i made things better and beautiful, you had to jump in to spoil everything!!"
"Oh no! Thats where you are wrong mr.Love.....because anywhere you are found....we will inevitably follow..theres no question about it!" they said......
Love: "Thats all hogwash! i dont believe it for a second......Im the feeling that gives freedom....im unconditional, endless, boundless....heck, im what makes the world go round!!"
The culprits, both laughing wickedly at this remark....."My dear....theres nothing in this world thats pure....least of all you!"
Love, now whining incessently.... "Its like a vicious cycle that keeps moving.....i make it easy and you always interfer to make it bad...what is the problem? and who are you two?! why cant you just leave me alone??!"
By this time the culprits have Love surrounded completely......they are hissing and spitting at him...
Love, on the verge of tears..."You have always been my downfall! You have never let me grow completely...heck, just when im about to set in my roots, you always raise your ugly head and cut me off! Who are you? where do u originate from? and why is it that we are destined to be together??!" and with this outburst, Love broke down...
The culprits were out of control...laughing crudely and circling around Love..."So you finally want to know who we are?! well we are your other face if had cared to notice! we are 'expectaitons' and 'assumptions'....everywhere YOU go, we'll go....and in case you never even realized...we originate from YOU! we are a part of you....we thrive on you...and yes, when you claim to be endless and boudless, we at the same time restrict your affects.....we can tear you to pieces.....and theres nothing you can do!"
Upon hearing this, Love broke down completely.....and breathed its last......
Expectaions and assumptions were the silent and evil spectators.....they buried Love without any mercy and moved on.....after all, there was more Love lurking in the world that they had to thrive on......

Persistent apprehensions.....

2005-07-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

"As im standing here looking at the dark sky, the only light i see are the stars above"....or so a song goes.....
A nagging thought on the way to becoming a persistent problem....."apprehensions".....no matter wat you are told; all the reassuring words/promises seem a farce...how much can you trust them?! and more importantly, to what extent will they see the light of day.....in this day and age, when deceit is conveniently veiled and beautifully wrapped, can one actually put one's faith in things and on a not so materialistic level, in life itself??
Ironically, we are usually blamed for bringing up an issue earlier (may i humbly point out that its an innocent query with no ulterior motives and not being "too forward" as we are accused of being)...that seems to be a threat to any relationship 'now'....why i ask....oh why does it have to be this way?? why cant things be talked about well beforehand so as to avoid the dreaded feeling of shattered conceptions/dreams later on........as a society, we still have miles to go where we can easily be called open-minded and receptive to things.......and on a individual level, yes we are all different, but at the end of the day, are we really open-minded enough to admit it?? yes, you have the liberty to kill me if im wrong....

Friend or foe.....

2005-07-26T15:43:00.000-07:00

The thought has always deluded me, do people even realize the true meaning of friendship or have they simply lost its true essence along the way? What people turn a blind eye towards is the fact that not 'everyone' and 'anyone' is a 'friend'…..sure, you can have numerous acquaintances…but how many of then can you actually call friends?!
Its very amusing when people say that (esp. abt someone they’ve met 2 days ago)…”Oh! He/she is such (emphasis on this word please) a gooood friend!”…its comments like these that make me feel like pulling my hair out…….
Friends, rather good friends are hard to come by…..they just happen; an its all a matter of clicking…..someone once asked me about friendship and all I had to say was…..”My best friend is a reflection of me”…because that’s exactly how it is and should be…

Often people don’t realize that not everyone they encounter will be a friend…the world is full of backstabbers, with deceit lurking at every corner; and as a precautionary measure, one must watch their step. A friend is a special person and I firmly believe that anyone and everyone is not worthy of the title….for once, just sit back and ponder for a minute…that amongst your circle of ‘friends’, how many would you actually like to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with?? I can assure you…not with everyone…..because even you know the answer…that everyone’s not a ‘friend’….

Acceptance denied....

2005-07-21T14:45:00.000-07:00

When you love, you dont set restrictions and neither do u expect the other person to love you back; it just happens without your consent. But what does it mean when people who claim to love and cherish you to no end want you to change? Love means to accept people exactly the way they are; thats the whole point of loving. And when you dont see it happening then is it actually love or just treating the other person as a piece of property?....
Theres a limit to how much pressure a person can take; and when the saturation point comes, there are usually more sufferers than one......the main culprit here is expectations....and when they are merely that, things can never be right.....accepting a person means you accept 'everything' about them...no hidden motives.....it has to be clear......
Its a point where you are numb to all emotions......your soul is twisted, moulded and eventually crushed...and you wont be able to do anything expect being a silent spectator....thats your downfall and end....because you have given in and they ae free to do watever they please with your integrity, your life and most omportantly...your soul....and yes, in case you are wondering...its the fairer sex who is a sufferer....expecting or rather hell bent on changing them is an unsaid thing here....and no matter what they say otherwise, their ulterior motive is just that.....to take you in and crush youwholly and soully.....this is indeed, in its purest form, acceptance denied.....

Attaining an equilibrium.....

2005-07-21T01:32:00.000-07:00

Its one of those days when each and every person you encounter is hell bent on proving you wrong; just when you thought you were at a point where you could count on yourself, they shake you very hard. Welcome to life, time for a reality check....I thought that i had finaaly attained that state of emotional equilibriuum which was much needed; but as is the course of nature, my euphoric state didnt even see the light of day....
People i least expected turned against me; it was definitely an eye-opener. Oh what to do wen you are constantly told that your decisions/observations/moves are not well thought of? gives you an idea of your own worth.......but then again, wat do they know?! I'll have to believe in myself, count on myself and most importantly, reason with myself......

Whinings of a seeker.....

2005-07-20T15:37:00.000-07:00

As difficult as it may seem initially.....it tends to becomes milder eventually; looking for answers within you. Its a daunting task but what we must, we must.......is to never ever expect. That only leads to an emotional turmoil; they'll never know wats going on inside you:NEVER. Whats more disheartening is the fact that only we can reason with ourselves......no one will understand an will never bother to........
Expectations lead nowhere...but what to do wen we are already born with it in abundance....a trait thats hard to detach from ourselves....Ironically wen people say that they dont expect, they r indirectly saying that they do! how can u not do something that you have no control over and more importantly something thats very natural?.......
Someone once said.....'Answers dont come by, you have to look for them'.....couldnt have been righter......wat you seek is wat you get.

Mind games....

2005-07-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

Thoughts that keep dancing and prancing about in your head are hard to catch; constantly evolving, they perplex you to no end. What to do when your owm mind is playing tricks on you?! Is it only your imagination that theres still hope to overcome this euphoric state or is it actually taking place? Its hard to seek an answer when all others require from you is an answer themselves....throws light on our shortcomings that we otherwise conveniently and blissfully ignore. Ironically, its a constant battle that one must fight with oneself; the answer only lies within you. For as simple as it may seem from the outside......its the games that the mind plays.....

Lost.....

2005-07-18T03:00:00.000-07:00

Passion pranced across the table......their eyes did all the talking.....it was a moment to savour.
The vibes between them were electrifying; the energy overwhelming.....how did they ever not know where this will end?
An innocent gesture would lead them to this world; a world excitingly terrifying.
This world would never understand, it never did; they were out to change the world but history proved right. They had to give in; what this world thought was their loss was actually their gain.....and in the process, they were making history.
After all, what can come before emotions? they are not restricted to social, cultural, religious and more over, geographical boundaries.....something that they both believed in firmly from the start. But nothing in the world had prepared them for this emotional tide that would one day change everything......even how they felt towards their loved ones. The chemistry that exists between a man and a woman when they are together......this was love personified; this is how it felt to be in love.
Nothing that they had ever experienced before was as bittersweet and excruciating as this........saying goodbye. As they gazed intently into eachother's eyes.....a whole life was lived....vows exchanged, promises made, unconditional love showered.....it was difficult to tear their eyes away......no words could do justice to the moment.....the air around was buzzing with an undercurrent. As they parted ways, they both looked back one last time......smiling sadly because they were thinking the same thing.....that it was better to have loved deeply and passionately and lost, than not have loved at all......

Threshold......

2005-07-16T10:36:00.000-07:00

As she stood there at the threshold, her whole life flashed in front of her........a surge of emotions was welling up inside her; anger, fear, insecutirty, apprehension, expectaions and the thought of leaving everything behind. Her misty eyes had a story of their own to tell; all that she was going through emotionally reflected in them. Her childhood memory of this day was to happily wave goodbye and move on; since thats the way she had always seen it.....but nothing in the world had prepared her for this moment.
Looking up at the reassuring faces around her, she felt a new emotion welling up; happiness. It was time to let go and step over the threshold of womanhood........gingerly stepping towards the future with dreams in her eyes...

Reality check

2005-07-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

Seriously speaking, what does it take to get the message across to some people; either they dont get it or they certainly dont want to! In either case, they are doing a pretty good job! Warding off unwanted attention at work and politely ignoring improper advances/gestures not to forget juggling inhuman work deadlines is a heculean task.....its like a war that one must fight alone. Everyday is a new day...WRONG! its the same.....even your personal space is a public property, colleagues barging in (literally!) at the pretext of borrowing, making pointless conversation or just asking abt work that has absolutely nothing to do with them directly. If there is no work done, you certainly develop unlimited patience to bear all the idiosyncrasies of the working environment or better yet, get back at them! Think theres too much complaing and whining going on??! Call it the chronicles of a head strong female who refuses to budge under extreme pressure or better yet......why not try being one?!!

Tangible reality....

2005-07-15T13:45:00.000-07:00

Its one of those days when everything seems to be at a standstill...... thoughts are the only thing that keep me going, life has become slow; things are once again topsy turvy, twisting my small world.....tearing my cocoon to pieces....where does one seek refuge then? A place, a haven, that i can call my own.....seeking a world of my own

Of false assumptions & make believe idols

2005-07-14T16:18:00.000-07:00

Every relationship is firmly based on trust...and that is eventually but at times unintentionally followed by expectations. Expectations, the stepping stone towards false assumtptions which inadvertently lead to false conclusions.....resulting in irreversible disasterous consequences.
We all are inter-dependant on each other; but what to do when someone expects from you more than you are actually capable of being and doing? We make our own idols, worship them no end and in the process are hurting ourselves....
Somewhere along the line, trust will creep up and give us strength, but deluding oneself will only make it even more complicated than it actually is...